Masquerade

"Masquerade! Paper faces on parade. Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you."

I have been thinking a lot lately. Ok, so that's basically all I've done. In fact I've done that so much, I've regressed back into depression and had to get some medication again.

Bummer.

Why? Well a lot of things really. But one thing has really stuck to my mind.

People surprise me. I must give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I must believe in my soul that everyone has good in them. That's what I was taught growing up. That's what I still believe today. But I found out (6 years of finding out actually) that not everyone thinks like this. Or that if they say they do, they don't act on it.

People make mistakes. Big ones sometimes.

So what??? Isn't that life???

I've done stupid things. I've had family do stupid things. So why is it so hard to allow yourself to move on from that mistake to the greater things??? Why waste time on such negetive feelings??? It's EXHAUSTING!!!

Sometimes people don't even realize the impact they might have on someone succeeding in life because they can't get past the hurt to forgive. Instead they put on masks. They pretend everything is hunky-dory until it's time to take it off. Then the true feelings come out. And those feelings are ugly! You know what I had to do if I didn't get along with my sister Taci??? We had to hold hands while doing chores!!! By the end we were laughing and actually hugged each other when finished.

I have to admit that I have had a mask on too. I haven't posted about it because deep down it still hurts. Ryan and I were pregnant earlier this year. I miscarried the baby in October. In public I have my happy mask on, but when I'm home and I catch myself off guard, I sob. I know it'll get easier, but right now it just plain hurts to realize what we've gone through.

So what is it I'm getting at???

Don't hide behind a mask. If someone is struggling, be the person to make them feel less like a loser and idiot for things they may have done, or things they are going through. You may find in the future that they can return the favor. Nobody is perfect! You can't go back to Heaven as innocent as you were when you left. You have to have experiences in this life, and sometimes I believe they are going to be bad ones.

And one thing I've noticed is: how you treat others when they are going through rough times, is a trial for YOU too.

You really do find out "who your friends are" at the hardest time in your life. And those are the ones to hang on to. Past and all.